Chapter 5: Lesson 5.2 Making Sense of Your Emotions pg. 139

Understanding Your Emotions

People experience many different and emotions. Your emotions are the moods or feelings you experience. They reveal to you how you feel about certain events and situations. They can also help you understand yourself and make that relate to your values and beliefs. , which are a normal part of life, can be pleasant or unpleasant (Figure 5.7). Pleasant emotions represent that make you feel good. Unpleasant emotions represent negative feelings that often make you feel bad. Your thoughts and feelings often influence your behaviors.

As you experience life, you may feel pleasant and emotions at the same time. For example, when the school year ends, you may feel happy thinking about not having to do homework. You might also thinking about not seeing some of your friends every day. Sometimes, understanding your emotions can be challenging because one emotion masks or hides another emotion. If you try out for and do not make the , you might feel angry with the coach for not selecting you. This feeling of may only be a result of sadness, however, because you really wanted to be part of the team.

Understanding your emotions involves knowing which emotions you feel and why. When you are aware of your emotions, you have . You are not just reacting to your emotions. Instead, you use emotional awareness to control them.

Controlling Your Emotions

Changes in the brain can make it hard to during adolescence. As a young child, you probably reacted to what you felt without thinking. As you grow up, however, you can learn to control your emotions by following the steps in Figure 5.8.

In the following sections, you will learn about the process for your emotions. You will read about the feelings Jennifer is experiencing and how she responds to the situation. As you are reading, think about how you would react if you were in Jennifer’s shoes. What would you do? Reflect on how identifying, , and your feelings in healthy, positive ways can help you control your emotions.

Identifying What You Are Feeling

The first step in controlling your emotions is to identify what you are feeling. This is not always an easy task. Sometimes, identifying feelings of or other emotions can be confusing. To help you determine the actual emotion you are experiencing, and why, think about events or factors that might have the emotion (Figure 5.9).

Consider Jennifer’s situation. Jennifer started the day in a . She argued with her sister when her sister said it was Jennifer’s turn to take the dog for a walk. On the way to school, she yelled at her brother for not keeping up with her. At lunch, Jennifer snapped at her best friend, Alia, for no reason. Alia asked Jennifer why she was in such a bad mood.

As it turns out, Jennifer was to a conversation she had with her mother the night before. Jennifer’s mother had mentioned that she was applying for a new job in another city. If her mother gets the job, Jennifer will probably have to move, which she does not want to do. Rather than telling her mother that she did not want to move, Jennifer took out her on those around her, which is .

Jennifer to Alia for snapping at her and then they talked about Jennifer’s situation. Jennifer identified that she was angry, but as they talked about it, Jennifer also identified that she was . She was anxious about the thought of leaving her friends. She was afraid that others would not accept her at a new school. By identifying and sorting out her feelings, Jennifer took the toward accepting her feelings.

Accepting Your Feelings

Now that Jennifer knows her anger is a result of being , she must learn to accept her feelings. Accepting your feelings does not mean that those feelings will just go away. It simply means that you allow yourself to your emotions. When you experience your emotions, you can work through what you are feeling so you can let it go.

Sometimes you may want to your emotions and hope they just simply go away. Try to avoid judging or changing your emotions. Instead, accept your emotions as they are by showing self-compassion.

means treating yourself with kindness and understanding, even when you experience setbacks and disappointments. Your emotions belong to you, and you are not wrong for feeling them. Denying or burying your emotions deep inside can have a on you both physically and mentally. Realize that your emotions cannot hurt you as long as you them and them in healthy ways.

Healthy, positive ways to accept and express your emotions may include your feelings with friends, family members, or a trusted adult. about what you are feeling in a is another positive way to work through your feelings. You can also work through your emotions by crying if you feel sad or running if you feel angry. Figure 5.10 shows other healthy ways to accept and express your feelings.

Jennifer began to accept her emotions when she admitted that her anger was a result of and afraid about moving. Talking with Alia was a healthy, positive way for Jennifer to begin to work through her emotions. Once Jennifer her feelings and calmed down, she felt that she was ready to express her feelings to her mother.

Expressing Your Feelings to Others

Controlling your emotions involves expressing your feelings clearly to others. When you are telling others how you feel, it is important to stay calm and keep your emotions under control. If you are out or try to hurt someone, then you are expressing your emotions in an unhealthy way. You may cause to the relationship. Instead, be positive and think about the effect your words may have on the other person. Explain how you feel without being (Figure 5.11). In , people are not afraid to express their emotions. Your members will want to hear about how you feel and may be able to help by offering support.

Sometimes, you can make a worse if you try to confront the person who caused you to feel a certain way while you are still angry. Instead, wait until you cool off before talking about your feelings. By waiting, you can control your emotions and express them in a more positive, healthy way. You are allowing yourself time to work through and get relief from your . This will help you keep your emotions under control.

When Jennifer talked with her mother, she had already worked through her anger and was able to remain calm and explain her feelings about the potential move. By talking with her mom, Jennifer began to have a more about the situation.

Developing Emotional Intelligence

Do you know people who always seem to remain positive, calm, and in control of their situations? Do you know people who sense that you are feeling down, even before you say anything to them?

People who are skilled at understanding, controlling, and expressing their emotions and sensing the emotions of others have high . Having EI is necessary to develop close personal relationships with others.

People with high EI share similar abilities and (Figure 5.12). In the following sections, you will learn more about these abilities and characteristics. In the process, you will discover ways to develop your and enhance personal relationships.

Control Negative Emotions

People with high EI are able to control or reduce their negative emotions. The you experience, such as anger, jealousy, or fear, can easily become overwhelming and cloud your judgment. or reducing these emotions can help you live a happier, more fulfilling life.

One way to control your is to change the way you think about a situation. Instead of thinking negatively about the issue, try to view it in different, more ways. For example, if your friend does not respond to your messages, try not to think that your friend is ignoring or rejecting you. Look at other possible explanations. Perhaps your friend is very busy. Maybe your friend’s cell phone is off or has a low battery.

Your friend’s actions are probably more a result of your friend than a result of you. Try not to take your friend’s lack of response personally and avoid jumping to conclusions. Instead, have optimism. is the ability to keep a positive outlook and focus on the good aspects of situations (Figure 5.13). People who have optimism are better able to cope with because they realize situations are temporary. They know that circumstances will eventually improve. If you respond with optimism, you understand that your friend will eventually message you back.

Have Empathy

Having high involves having empathy. People who have empathy are able to put themselves in someone else’s shoes. They understand and respect other people’s wants, needs, and . They seek out evidence that justifies their theories about others' feelings and perspectives. This helps identify misunderstandings or . They treat others as they would expect to be treated. As a result, people who have empathy are better able to support their friends and family members who are in need.

Can you remember a time when someone showed you ? How did this make you feel? Perhaps you felt valued and respected, which means you are more likely to feel good about yourself. In turn, when you show to others, you are more likely to make them feel good about themselves. Having empathy helps you sense the emotions of others and respond in open, .

Developing empathy involves keeping an open mind and listening carefully to what others have to say (Figure 5.14).

People have , and you must be able to listen to understand what people are feeling and what they need. You do not necessarily have to someone else’s opinion, but you can see why they feel the way they do.

Show Gratitude

The ability to have has many benefits on your personal health and wellness. Gratitude is an emotion that means being thankful or grateful. People with high have the ability to appreciate what is good and meaningful in their lives. This to be happier, which, in turn, often results in the ability to be nicer to others and show them gratitude.

People who can openly to others, including friends, family members, and even strangers, demonstrate that they appreciate others and recognize what these people have done for them. As a result, their with others improve and grow stronger.

Show Resilience

People respond to , and many demonstrate resilience. People who show resilience are able to bounce back from and events, such as an act of violence, a serious health condition, or a family crisis. They are flexible and adapt, change, and grow as they encounter difficult experiences. When facing a situation, they think about the best way to respond to the situation and figure out what they can learn from the experience.

Having resilience requires , which means you need to engage in a healthy lifestyle. When you take care of yourself, you have more energy to handle and respond to issues.

The care and support of others often helps people show . Relationships that are positive, loving, and trusting help build a person’s resilience. When experiencing and sadness, it helps to have a strong support system of people who can offer encouragement.

Because people react to traumatic and differently, they tend to use various strategies for building resilience. The strategies that work for one person may not work for another. Figure 5.15 strategies a person could use to help build resilience.