Intimacy and Abstinence
Dating relationships often include some type of intimacy, or closeness. People can express intimacy in different ways, such as through words, gifts, or time together. They can also express intimacy through being close to another person, such as holding hands or sitting next to someone (Figure 15.29). Before you start dating, you should know how you feel about being intimate with another person. It is better to know your boundaries before you are in a situation that requires a quick decision. Be sure to enforce these personal boundaries and your affirmative consent during the relationship.
Some young people think you have to be physically intimiate to feel close to a dating partner.
This is a myth.
The truth is...
Young people can express affection and feel close without physical intimacy.
Many factors, including your values, religion, and judgment, will influence decisions you make about intimacy. Abstinence, or the commitment to refrain from all forms of sexual activity, is a healthy choice for young people. Abstinence is the only method that is 100 percent effective in preventing sexually transmitted infections (STIs), HIV/AIDS, and pregnancy. It also prevents emotional consequences such as guilt over keeping sexual activity a secret. Finally, it avoids social consequences related to being exclusive.
As with intimacy, you should consider your own boundaries related to abstinence before starting a dating relationship. When you start dating, communicate these boundaries and stick to them (Figure 15.30). Having a healthy sense of self and good decision-making skills makes people more likely to refuse behaviors outside their boundaries.
Peer pressure can positively or negatively affect people’s ability to set and reinforce boundaries or limits. It can also affect if people will accept and respect boundaries and consent. In a healthy dating relationship, you will not feel pressured by your partner to engage in physically intimate or sexual behavior that does not feel comfortable. It is possible to maintain a rewarding, fun, healthy romantic relationship without engaging in sexual activity. If someone does pressure you to do something that is outside your boundaries, use refusal skills to reinforce your limits.