15.3 Peer Relationships

Learning Outcomes

After studying this lesson, you will be able to

• between different types of friendships.

• how to promote tolerance and celebrate diversity in relationships.

• a plan to use strategies for building and maintaining healthy friendships.

• common issues in friendships.

• between positive and negative types of peer pressure.

Types of Friendships

The most common type of is friendship. Friendship is the relationship between two or more people who share common interests, values, and goals and support each other. The term friendship describes many different types of peer relationships (Figure 15.21). For example, you probably know the difference between your very and your more . Perhaps you have a single friend whom you consider your best friend. You may also have many acquaintances—people you know and interact with, but may not consider friends.

Living in a , you are likely to meet people who see the world differently than you do. is present in a group of people with , including ages, sex, family traditions, ethnicities, and cultures. In healthy relationships, people respect others for who they are. They celebrate differences and avoid stereotyping. are oversimplified ideas about a group of people. Diversity in a culture can broaden people’s knowledge. Ideally, people challenge and learn from others, while respecting others’ and .

In the past, most people had friends they with or who lived in the neighborhood. Today, however, many people have friends who live .

You may have online friends, or people you meet through social media, websites, chat rooms, or gaming. can sometimes develop between , especially if friends share some real-life friends. You should be careful, however, about with people you have only met online (Figure 15.22). These people might not be representing themselves truthfully. If an online friend offers to meet you in person, talk about the situation with a before agreeing to meet.

Strategies for Building Healthy Friendships

provide emotional and social support, companionship, and help you learn more about yourself and others. Sometimes it can be hard to make and keep friends. Determining whether someone shares your core values and beliefs can take time, especially if you are still trying to figure out your . Even when arguments arise, however, there are ways to maintain healthy friendships over time.

Make Time for Relationships

It takes time and energy to build and maintain with friends. Even when you are busy with homework, sports, or other activities, try to find time to connect and spend time with and friends. As you build new friendships, you will need time to get to know other people and understand how their values and beliefs align with yours.

If you want to get to know someone, you could try in a group, doing an activity together, or talking throughout the day. If finding free time is hard, plan ahead and set dates to get together with friends to set aside the needed time to build friendships.

Meet Friends Face-to-Face

is a great way to connect with friends and get to know people. It is also important to form and maintain friendships through interactions. In-person communication is an important part of having a . While online communication makes it easier to stay in touch, do not rely on these types of interactions alone. Remember that online conversations lack important aspects of nonverbal communication. One of the best ways to keep a is to step away from the screen and make time to be physically present with someone (Figure 15.23).

Be a Good Friend

In , each person contributes equally to the relationship. You can be a good friend by listening carefully to what your friends are saying. Also, avoid interrupting or judging them when they are talking. Express to these friends and to others how much these friendships mean to you. Other strategies you can use to keep your include the following:

• your friends, and celebrate their successes.

• or criticizing your friends.

• Do not or about your friends. Spreading gossip and rumors is hurtful and makes others feel bad.

• Work with your friends to solve and conflicts.

• Express your openly during conflicts, and listen carefully to your friend’s point of view. If you do not understand their perspective, ask your friend to explain.

• if you hurt your friend and try to find ways to make it better.

Jealousy

may sometimes occur in a friendship. You may feel jealous of your friend’s achievement in a particular area, such as , athletics, or music. You may also feel jealous of other aspects of a friend’s life, such as the friend’s home, dating relationship, or family life. Feelings of jealousy are if they occur once in a while. Continuous jealous feelings, however, can harm a relationship over time.

Honestly expressing your emotions, including jealousy, can prevent negative feelings from building up over time and weakening your friendship. If you value your friendship and want to keep it, try to move beyond feelings of jealousy.

Changes over Time

evolve as people change over time. Experiencing physical, emotional, and social changes can influence your friendships (Figure 15.25). This is particularly true if you and a friend change in different ways. You may no longer share the same interests with your . You may need to stop spending time with a friend who makes unsafe or unhealthy decisions.

Changes Affecting Friendships

Physical Changes

• Puberty

• Distance

Emotional Changes

• Maturity

• Emotional state

Emotional Changes

• Groups of friends

• Favorite activities

Sometimes, can be maintained, but change in some way. For example, you might see an old friend less frequently as your interests and peer groups change. If you want to maintain an old friendship, and energy in that friendship. Make a point of connecting with your friend, either online or in person, so you can stay up-to-date on each other’s lives. These check-ins will help you stay connected.

If you feel that you and a friend are , tell your friend how you feel. If both of you are interested in maintaining the friendship, you can to find ways of remaining close.

Positive Peer Pressure

Although people often associate with negative activities, it can have a positive influence (Figure 15.26). For example, you might feel pressured to participate in community service projects with a . A friend may encourage you to study harder to improve your grades. In these cases, pressure from peers can help broaden your perspective of the world, help your community, or help you succeed in school. Positive peer pressure is also . It values your opinions, preferences, and individuality. For example, a friend should accept your answer if you decline an invite to see a movie.

Figure 15.26 Peer pressure may include encouragement of risky behaviors, but it can also include support for healthy activities.

Negative Peer Pressure

In some friendships, one another to do something that person is not comfortable doing. Friends might pressure each other to drink alcohol, , or tease a classmate. Most people want to be liked and to fit in with a group. They may decide to go along with a , even if they are uncomfortable with it. They may worry about being teased or excluded if they do not join in a group activity. Sometimes, youths worry that standing up for what they believe could cause them to lose a friendship.

In , this type of negative peer pressure does not occur. respect each other’s choices. If you are experiencing negative peer pressure, you have the right to stand up for what you believe, and to walk away from situations that make you uncomfortable (Figure 15.27). Standing up to is an appropriate way to show disapproval of inconsiderate and disrespectful behavior. If a friend ends a relationship with you over this choice, the person does not respect you and your friendship. Standing up to peer pressure is especially important when friends are doing something that could or someone else.

• Focus on your own thoughts, , and values. Use a good process to make sure your actions reflect your core beliefs.

• Have the strength and to walk away from a situation or from people who make you uncomfortable.

• Refuse to join in because this person acts or looks different.

• Choose friends who have to yours. People who share your values, goals, and beliefs will probably support the decisions you make.

• other people when they resist peer pressure. Sometimes, having just one other person say, “I agree, this is a bad idea,” is all it takes to change a group’s behavior.

• If peer pressure continues over time, talk to someone you trust—a parent or guardian, , or school counselor.