1. - Thank God. I'm starving / I'm starting.
- Well, dig in / begin. I am way too tired to eat.
2. The Feds toed / towed away my Maserati, my husband is a felon, and I spend my days getting cropped / groped by fat tractor salesmen at trade shows.
3. Who's gonna be changing the diapers when you're bumping / pumping iron in a federal prison?
4. I wouldn't go too much farther. You're gonna bend up / end up back in prison.
5. You always remember your first time. God, I hope I brought enough bullets / bullies.
6. So, number one. Strong stands / stance. Two. High hand grass / grasp. Three. Hard grip. Four. Front side / sight. Five. Release the safety, and then squeeze the trigger slowly.
7. Ok, now, when you're firing a semiautomatic, you want the wrap / web of your hand all the way up against the edge / hedge of the backstrap.
8. Now, I want you to hold the gun like you're holding a beautiful white dove / doe, hold it firmly enough that it can't fly away, but not so firmly that you can kill it.
9. I'm so sorry you lost your tow / toe. The doctor said it's the middle one, so your balance shouldn't be affected.
10. - Why did you do that, Bree?
- I was just caught on / off guard.
11. - We had a really rough / ruff morning.
- Don't give it another thought / taught.
12. I'm still the outsider that doesn't get invited to the cool parties, and you're still the porky / perky cheerleader who thinks that she can pull the wool / rule over everyone's eyes.
13. You came on this trip, paid for the gas, and look at you, you're changing this flat / flap when you know I have Auto Club.
14. I just haven't always treated you well and I wanna make amends / make comments.
15. It seems I have a tumor / two more. Apparently it's pressing on my brain.
16. No. You're not dying. People just think that because I shaped / shaved your head.